Hearing Voices? Managing Intrusive Thoughts and Mental Health

Are you hearing voices in your head? Were you told that those voices are normal because they’re just ‘intrusive thoughts?’ I remember reading a book called, ‘The Power of Now’ written by Eckhard Toil. It was an interesting read. I can recall a discussion going around social media where people were saying that they didn’t have an inner monologue in their mind. Now, I myself do not visualize the way I hear other people saying that they do. I also no longer hear a constant flood of thoughts in my head like I once did. This insight is what I would like to share with you today.

“People who don’t have an inner monologue are an NPC!”

I’ve actually read multiple comments and heard multiple people vocalizing this statement over the years. Call me odd, but it’s my personal opinion that having a constant flood of thoughts in one’s mind, especially mean intrusive thoughts, are a form of schizophrenia. It may be considered common, but I don’t consider it to be ‘normal’ at all.

Honestly, the idea of not being able to turn off intrusive thoughts is extremely frightening to me. The way people describe their intrusive thoughts is concerning. It makes me question, ‘Are you hearing your own voice? Or are you hearing the voice of someone else?’ Some people say that it’s a mixture of both.

I believe the reason people aren’t able to turn off their thoughts is because they aren’t living in the present moment. I can actually speak to this from personal experience.

The following may not be ‘pretty’ but…

It’s raw and authentic. I share this information as proof that it IS possible to heal from mental tourette syndrome. It is possible to overcome distorted thoughts. A better day IS right there waiting for you to occupy!

Throughout this post, I’m going to include screenshots from my old LiveJournal account from back when I was in college. It was one of the hardest times in my life, and if I was able to overcome such thoughts, trust me- so can you! Trigger Warning: there may be mentions of self-harm, distorted thoughts, eating disorders, domestic violence.

What is it like living with Intrusive thoughts: which I call mental tourette syndrome

A screenshot of an old LiveJournal entry. I was a part of the pro-ana pro-mia movement that seemed to have been a dark place of the interwebs. I basically lived in ‘The Purg’ which was a hub for those of us with these intrusive thoughts

*sigh* yep. That was me. In the thick of my eating disorder. Now, honestly, I’m not sure if one can ever fully recover from having an eating disorder. But I can say that I don’t speak as harshly to myself as I once did.

For reference,

A screenshot of my quote unquote ‘fat belly’ 🙄 Those intrusive thoughts seriously had me considering ending my life because I thought I had rolls.

This is what I was crying over. && it’s interesting. I recently logging into my LiveJournal account and found these old entries. (can you believe I had the audacity to blast this crazy– && to repeat it again now 🫣) I cried for her. I sent love through the ether and hugged her from afar.

It’s my personal opinion that everything that has ever happened, that ever will happen, that could potentially ever happen, and all that is currently happening, is all taking place at the same time.

I now know that the reason I was unable to ‘turn off’ those horrid thoughts back then, was because I wasn’t living in the present moment.

Meditation looks differently for me

I remember when I first started meditating. I would hear people say things like, ‘Let your thoughts move through your mind.’ or ‘You are the mountain. Your thoughts are the clouds.’

If you’re the person who consistently has cloudy days, I just want you to know that a peaceful mind is possible.

If you have intrusive thoughts that are constantly telling you, “You’re ugly!” or “You’re such a failure!” Or any other super critical, judgy, even dangeruous intrusive thoughts, I personally have come to the conclusion that it means three things.

It’s time to heal from past hurt and trauma
It’s time to adjust your self image
It’s time to learn how to dwell in the present moment

Separating yourself from your intrusive thoughts

There are books that suggest you separate yourself from your thoughts. These books often encourage you to monitor your thoughts and to not judge the thoughts that you have. This is not the approach that I took.

I’ll be honest and let you know that this wasn’t an overnight process. In fact, it took years. I wasn’t even aware that what I was doing was an attempt to erase a constant flood of thoughts.

I was just fed up with hating myself and fed up with hating my life so much.

How journaling helped me develop mind control

The process of developing mind control came to me when I was evaluating my life. I was wondering why I was so stagnant and unhappy. I’ve kept a personal journal since I was in middle school. I decided to read my previous entries.

They were basically the same entries on repeat.

“I hate my life.”
“I hate living with my mom.”
“I’m so ugly.”
“I’m so fat.”
“No one loves me.”

I even had an intrusive thought tell me that if I jumped out of my window ‘God’ would save me! Lest I dash my foot against a stone 🙈 To be fair, I would be saved in the event of an accident, but it’s the fact that the thought came into my mind while I was looking out of a four-story window that is a bit … odd.

I had been in and out of therapy since I was a child and didn’t feel like I was progressing very much. After reading years of journal entries, I realized that I was basically reliving the same day over and over each day. My journals confirmed this. Therefore, I decided that it was silly of me to continuously write complaints about living with my mother, so I got my own apartment- with a little push from my mother.

The Eating Disorder

I had been struggling with disordered eating since I was in high school. It was time for me to be honest with myself by admitting to myself that I’m not fat. I may have fat, but I myself am not anywhere near being obese, or even at risk of being considered overweight.

I decided that I needed to either exercise to get better tone definition, or to shut up.

Having a distorted self image

I felt like I couldn’t be in a committed loving relationship if I wasn’t super thin. My intrusive thoughts would randomly confirm this to me throughout the day.

A screenshot of a LiveJournal entry made during my college days when intrusive thoughts from my eating disorder was at an all-time high. side note: I genuinely am shocked by my spelling.

Then I said to myself, there are women who you know and love who are in fact obese. Are THEY worthy of being in a loving relationship? What advice would you give to those women if they came to you with these same feelings?

I didn’t know it at the time, but this was my entrance into shadow work.

The mindset shift

It wasn’t until I sat down and took the time to read my old journal entries for me to see the pattern that was on repeat for years. It made me realize that I needed to change my mindset. My mindset changes are what led to a decrease of anxiety and distorted thoughts.

It’s been a long journey, roughly six or seven years for my mindset to adjust. && I’m still taking daily steps to maintain a healthy mindset.

Overcoming having a poverty mindset.

Now that I’ve been able to ‘overcome’ the eating disorder I’m working on overcoming having a poverty mindset. This has been rooted in a lot of self-hypnosis and nervous system regulation. I believe that the essence of our being consists of our thoughts, feelings, speech and actions. This is why I made my eco system entirely free. Yes, it was helpful in overcoming certain mental hurdles, and I wanted everyone else to have access to the information. But it’s also free because at the time of their development I didn’t feel worthy of the exchange of energy.

Even after all of these years, I realized that I still have poverty mindset && the intrusive thoughts would resurface. I’d get a great paying job in tech significantly above the poverty level and I’d quit or self-sabotage. The same was true in my business. I would create a social media account, which would gain popularity really quickly and delete it because of a fear of *being seen*.

That screen shot was from over a decade ago, && was prevalent in my life for several years. I had a better self-image as far as being able to finally see some of the beauty that everyone else saw, yet I was impoverished.

One planet, infinite realities.

I find it fascinating how two people can be experiencing two completely different realities. You can really see this when you look around. There are some people who seem more inclined to be more ‘doom and gloom.’ Then on the flip side, there are people who have a positive outlook on life, who believe things always work out in their favor and hold the stance that life is good.

I remember when I lived in LA. One of my roommates ALWAYS seemed to have negative circumstances happen to her. For example, if we were to go to a grocery store, she would accuse the employees of being racist towards her. “He asked me if I was going to pay with EBT!” She’d always get into an altercation with the Uber driver or get ‘scammed’ in some kind of way. But when I would go out with the other girls from our apartment without her, we’d never have any issues arise.

So, what’s the difference?

Could it be that she in particular had a belief that individuals from other cultures disliked black people? Could that have been the reason she seemed to encounter so many of those types of situations? Or perhaps she held a self-concept in her mind that black people were somehow inferior.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but the way I was able to stop having a flood of negative thoughts was by changing myself image. && that’s essentially what you’re in the process of obtaining today.

The cycle was flipped when I read my journal entries. I conditioned myself to believe the opposite of what was written on those pages. && I now make the opposite choices- you’re going to do the same.

A Mindset Exercise

So, what is it that you believe about yourself? What are the cycles in your life that you continue repeating? If you have a journal, I challenge you to read all of your previous entries. I also want you to grab a sheet of paper and write down everything you believe about yourself, about your life, and about the world that you dislike.

For example, you may feel that you’re not attractive. Write down exactly the way you feel. If it’s your skin tone that you dislike, write it down. Is it’s your hair texture that you dislike? Write that down. If you feel powerless, write that down. Feel that the world is unjust? Write it down!

On the back side of the paper, I want you to write the complete opposite of what you currently believe to be true. For example, if you currently feel that the police are untrustworthy, then on the backside of the paper you could write, “The police are here to serve and protect.”

If you feel that other people dislike black people, you can write, “Other people are inspired by black people.” If you feel you’re poor and won’t ever be able to live a prosperous life, you can write, “I am able to provide for myself and meet my needs.”

We are POWERFUL

I’m so fascinated by the way the mind works. It’s time to distinguish the mind from the brain. You’re not your mind, nor are you your brain. You are the one who controls how you react and what you do. While we cannot control our emotions, we are able to harness our emotions and comprehend them. They can help guide us because our body is an extension of our minds. It’s how we experience the world. People are able to experience different realities because different people have different states of minds.

Oddly, I read the book ‘The Untethered Soul’ written by Michael A. Singer. && let me tell you this. That book legit reopened the doors that I had initially closed to the flood of thoughts. I allowed myself to release a flood of thoughts to go with the flow of the book. Honestly, it was unnecessary for me, personally. Yes, I do believe that it IS important to allow yourself to feel your feelings, as well as to process those emotions. However, this idea that it is ‘normal’ to have a constant flood of thoughts is completely and utterly incorrect in my personal opinion.

I decided to end my poverty mindset

One of the popular topics of Covid was relationships. Some women have higher standard than others. This is because of self-image. There are some women who don’t feel the need to go out on fun dates with a guy, they’re fine with just hanging out at his house. Some women are completely fine dating a man who isn’t able to support the household on his own. I mean, the economy is rough right now, right?

The reality is, what a woman accepts from any relationship, whether romantic, employment or friendships is dependent upon their self-image. I actually discuss this in more detail in this blog post here where I discuss what working in a warehouse taught me about relationships. I made the choice to quit working at jobs that I didn’t like and applied for a tech company. My pay literally doubled overnight- it was epic! Then it increased yet again! But I wasn’t aware that I had a subconscious block.

How I’m overcoming having a poverty mindset.

Personally. I no longer am interested in playing the game of the massive construct. The get up, go to work, come home, shower, eat, sleep, repeat scenario just did not work for me. It could be because I’m now aware that I do not have what’s considered a neurotypical brain. I was stuck in a cycle of being employed and being unemployed because I genuinely hated working and didn’t have any pleasure or enjoyment in jobs the slightest bit- other than getting a paycheck.

Now that I’m aware of the way my brain works, I have the knowledge and confidence to request working accommodations.

I’ve given up poverty meals

I comprehend that we live in a world where our ancestors were hunter gatherers and there were times when resources were scarce. I’m also aware of the fact that I also had ancestors who dwelled in an abundance of quality food and water. It is my personal opinion that certain foods such as meat, animal byproducts, grains, and legumes were consumed out of lack.

The processed food industry was also born out of poverty, and convivence. With the men away at war, and the women working in the factories, the industry of mass-producing food became a powerhouse.

It is my personal opinion that my body thrives off of consuming raw hydrating foods.

I’ve stopped complaining

After my therapist and I worked through years of trauma I was left with my poverty mindset and cannabis use disorder. I decided to stop complaining about things because it seemed to only make things worse. The therapist that I had at the time assured me that, ‘this is the space to complain‘ && in a way they were correct. Because as I mentioned in this blog post, there is a system in place that is designed to keep people stuck, as opposed to promoting healing.

As a deconstructed christian I still pray, I just don’t pray to the god of the bible. When I speak to my reality, I’m speaking of things that I would like to see manifest in my world. Yes, I still share my fears. I still share what’s bothering me, but I do not allow it to fester.

I’m grateful to say that I have officially released the poverty mindset.

I’m determined to live in full sobriety

If you confide in someone, whether that be a friend, a family memory, or even a medical professional that you would like to quit smoking marijuana because you find it to be addicting and they tell you that it isn’t that bad– that isn’t a safe person to share information with.

There’s a proverb in the bible where the Queen Mother advises the king to remain sober and leave the alcohol for those in poverty who need to forget their suffering. Aye! Never have I ever said that there isn’t any wisdom in the bible.

I may have been able to quit smoking after doing research for the thirty day lung cleanse, but I still take edibles on a regular basis. I find this to be a symptom of having a poverty mindset. Reason being because everything seems to be ‘okay’ if I have some THC. I may not have _____, but at least I got high!

NO! I’ve realized that when I submit to an addiction, I am giving my divine power away to that which I’m addicted to. The spirit of the marijuana plant can’t be THAT strong, can it?

I move slower

I used to rush around so much. Walking from this place to that place as if I was super late for an important meeting. Do you know what I’ve learned? That’s just an unregulated nervous system. I also eat much more slowly now. I was so accustomed to scarfing down my food in grade school, and in the workplace, that I would eat an entire plate of food in less than five minutes. Do you know why that’s an issue? It’s because that directly causes digestion issues. && if a person cannot properly digest their food, they cannot properly experience life.

I have full ownership of my brand

Having this website provides me with freedom and autonomy over my life. I realized that even having a six-figure paying job isn’t enough to ensure financial freedom. That relief comes from having ownership. I’m so thankful and grateful to live in an era where wealth has been democratized and information is readily available for us. People like Madam CJ Walker managed to reach profitability and success, && they didn’t even have the same advantages as we have today!

I have realized that everything happening today is both systemic, as well as a choice. People choose to remain in poverty by accepting poverty. People choose to send their children to underfunded schools. It isn’t that they intentionally make this choice, but they do so on a subconscious level. We accept that which has been presented to us, && guess what, we actually don’t have to if we don’t want to.

In Conclusion

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this blog post. I truly do appreciate you being here. To summarize how I’ve managed intrusive thoughts, and my mental health I

Faced past hurt and trauma. This allowed me to not be consumed with the past
Ditched the poverty mindset. This allowed me to not be anxious about the future
Defined my self-image. This allows me to bask in today

May you now have a better comprehension of the fact that we do not have to live with a constant flood of negative thoughts in our minds. We can actually make the conscious choice to close the floodgates and live in a harmonious and peaceful inner world. Remember, all things are possible- they are! The best is yet to come, and the odds are always in your favor! If you’re someone who needs a bit of extra help in the self-esteem department, check out this freebie called Aligned & Anointed! Seeing myself in this light has helped boost my self-esteem tremendously! Take care.

-Divine Dime💚👑

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